Tanz der Vampire - Libretto

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Tanz der Vampire -

Libretto Translation

Book and Lyrics by Michael Kunze. The usual translation disclaimer applies.

First Act

1. Somewhere in the Transylvanian wilderness

Night. Alfred, the young hero of our story, trudges through the snow, laden with suitcases and bags. Helpless, he comes to a standstill. He calls in the darkness:

Alfred:

Professor! Professor! Hey, ho, hey!

Hey, where are you Professor?

Hey, ho, hey!

A calming thought occurs to him.

He's probably sat down somewhere, quite safe, to write an observation in his notebook. When Professor Abronsius makes his notes, the world is dead for him.

Another thought startles him.

If he isn't already dead.

Another try…

Hey, ho, hey!

Just a sign, Professor!

Hey, ho, hey!

I can't see you.

I must find him, or he will freeze to death. What a sad end that would be for a man like him!

An invisible wolf gives a long howl.

It will be in the newspapers: "Scientist killed in Transylvania." And no-one will read about me. No-one will miss Alfred.

The wolf's howl ends. Alfred calls to his companion again.

Hey, ho, hey! Hear me, I'm here, Professor,

Your clever

And refined

Resistant

Assistant!

He spots Professor Abronsius' umbrella jutting out of a snowdrift and rushes towards it. He finds the professor, frozen stiff from the ice. He lifts the Professor over his shoulders, picks up the baggage and exits as it gets dark.

The sounds of fiddle music and singing come from a distance.

Chagal and Guests:

Garlic, garlic! Garlice, garlic! Garlic, garlic! Garlice, garlic!

Scene change.

2. Lounge in Chagal's inn

Guests dance to music provided by violinists in a village inn. The dance is clumsy and ungainly, like the dancers - residents of the Transylvanian village in which we find ourselves. The guests eventually take their places at the wooden tables, to drink, eat and smoke their pipes. The landlord, Chagal, goes from table to table and supervises the work of his pretty maid, Magda, who serves the guests. At the back of the stage, we see Chagal's wife Rebecca, standing in the kitchen, cooking.

Chagal and Guests:

A small pipe and a vodka

And a ? fiddle-dee-dee.

The throats heal,

The women are horny

And the grind is over.

Baran:

But the best things come to an end,

Dragan:

…When the landlord signals to the food,

Moron:

...When the stew steams,

Dragan:

…And everybody munches,

Dragan, Moron & Baran:

…Until he stinks from his pores.

All:

Until he stinks from his pores!

Chagal and Guests:

Garlic, garlic,

Is our passion.

Garlic, garlic,

Gives heart and soul power.

It makes small things bigger,

It makes common things noble,

And makes what tires stronger,

And makes what tires stronger.

Rebecca:

In meat there are maggots.

Vegetables are dirty.

Lard is rancid,

Sauce is ?

But everyone says it tastes good.

Guests:

Come with a full bowl!

With lots of garlic please!

It has fabulous effects

On gastric juices.

Each bite tastes even better!

Chagal rubs his hands. He gives Rebecca the signal to prepare even more portions. He slaps Magda's bottom, so she gets another bottle of vodka.

All:

Garlic, garlic

Puts life into the abdomen.

Garlic, garlic

Makes the old young again.

Lets the muscles swell,

Lets the juices run,

Garlic brings relief!

Magda:

The young only want to run around

And the old only gabble.

Chagal:

Garlic makes men and boys into old Romeos!

All:

Nothing on Earth is healthier,

Especially here in winter.

Dragan:

Open your mouth

And we'll belch.

Village Idiot:

Urrhg!

Moron:

And all worries will disappear!

All:

And all worries will disappear.

Rebecca:

Garlic, garlic

I have always trusted it.

Garlic, garlic,

And strong sauerkraut.

Chagal:

The best-ever cooks

Will be speechless at the taste.

Magda:

They would be ill and the next day

They would explode with flatulence.

Rebecca:

Instead of the usual moaning,

Everyone says "It's delicious"

Rebecca, Chagal and Magda:

Because garlic works wonders!

Garlic, garlic!

Suddenly the door is opened from the outside. The wind whips a cloud of snow into the inn. Alfred, his face frozen blue, staggers in with the stiff Professor Abronsius on his shoulders. Alfred is laden with suitcases and bags. Everyone stares at Alfred, who drops his baggage but keeps hold of Professor Abronsius.

Dragan:

Who's that?

Baran:

A stranger!

Moron:

No!

Magda:

Two!

Dragan:

What's happened?

Rebecca:

He's frozen!

Magda:

Stiff!

Dragan:

From the cruel frost.

Moron:

It's gone!

Magda:

Frozen.

Rebecca:

Iced.

Chagal greets the new arrivals with a bow, while Alfred lets the frozen Professor Abronsius slide off his shoulder.

Chagal:

I welcome you to the best hotel around…

Rebecca:

Magda, bring the chair here, quick!

Chagal:

...comfortable and very fairly priced.

Rebecca:

Quick, Magda, hot water!

The steam will ease the cramps!

Chagal:

Rub their noses with vodka!

Dragan:

With dripping!

Moron:

With mustard!

Baran:

With wine!

Chagal:

With garlic!

All:

Garlic! Garlic! Garlic!

Rebecca:

Where is that hot water?

Magda:

Here!

Magda brings a bowl of steaming water and sits, following Rebecca's instructions, in front of Abronsius' chair. The guests whisper curiously in a language we don't understand.

Guests:

Wuscha, buscha…wuscha, buscha!

Maga bogah…Maga bogah!

Background music plays during the following footbath. Magda takes off the Professor's shoes and socks, pushes the bowl under his bare feet and begins to massage his legs.

Alfred stares at Magda, fascinated by the neckline of her dress. He is so distracted that he doesn't notice when Abronsius comes round. Abronsius opens his eyes, takes in the situation with one look and sees that the guests are wearing wreaths of garlic around their necks. He gives Alfred a jolt with his elbow.

Abronsius:

What do you think of those small round things, boy?

Alfred (still looking at Magda's cleavage):

Small? They're big!

Abronsius:

Not those, you idiot! Those there.

Now Alfred notices that Professor Abronsius is full of beans again.

Alfred:

Are you alright now, Professor?

Abronsius (enthusiastically):

That's garlic. Garlic!

Now Alfred notices the garlic wreaths.

Alfred:

You mean…

Abronsius (meaningfully):

The aim of our mission is near! (To Chagal) Mr Landlord…

Chagal:

My name is Chagal. At your service. I hope…

Abronsius (interrupting):

Is there a castle near here?

Chagal:

A castle? No. There isn't even a windmill here, let alone a castle. (To the guests, who are staring at the strangers with open mouths) Has anyone ever seen a castle here?

The guests shake their heads. Only the village idiot nervously begins to say something.

Village Idiot:

There's the Count's castle…

Before he can continue, several lumberjacks stop him by putting their hands over his mouth. The music stops at the same moment.

Chagal:

You heard them. No windmill, no castle. We only have a village idiot.

Abronsius:

And why is everyone here wearing garlic?

Chagal:

Garlic? Garlic helps against all kinds of things!

Rebecca:

Boils,…

Magda:

Toothache…

Baran:

Flatulence…

Chagal, Magda and Rebecca:

Garlic heals these! Garlic, garlic, garlic!

Rebecca, Chagal, Magda, Baran, Moron and Dragan:

For scabies and for hair loss

At any time and everywhere!

All (except Alfred and Abronsius):

Garlic, garlic

Is our passion.

Garlic, garlic,

Gives heart and soul power.

It makes small things bigger,

It makes delicate things braver,

And makes what tires stronger.

Chagal:

And makes what tires stronger.

Chagal picks up the baggage that Alfred dropped.

All:

Garlic, garlic!

Has proved its worth since olden times.

Garlic, garlic,

Feeds the heart and nerves.

Every loser becomes a winner,

Every wimp becomes a warrior,

When garlic gets into him.

When garlic gets in me,

Garlic gets in you,

Garlic gets in us.

Chagal:

I'll show these men to their room.

All:

Garlic, garlic

Puts life into the abdomen.

Garlic, garlic

Makes the old young again.

Lets the muscles swell,

Lets the juices run,

And provides relief.

And brings relief!

Garlic loosens the juices,

Increases strength,

Brings relief!

Garlic!

Lighting change.

Chagal leads Alfred and Professor Abronsius upstairs.

Scene change.

3. Upstairs in Chagal's Guesthouse.

Alfred and Professor Abronsius follow Chagal, who is carrying their luggage.

Chagal:

Please, sirs, this way. Here it is!

We hear a woman's voice singing.

Sarah's voice:

Ah-ah-ah…

The Professor stands still and listens. He turns to Alfred.

Abronsius:

Do you hear that?

Alfred (with open mouth):

It's beautiful.

Sarah's voice (in the background):

Ah-ah-ah…

Chagal groans under the weight of the luggage. He wants them both to move along. At the start of the corridor is Chagal's daughter Sarah's room, at the end is the guest room, to which Chagal leads the guests. In between is a bathroom. This can be entered from the corridor, from Sarah's room or from the guest room (these rooms are on either side of the bathroom).

Chagal:

Please, sirs…

Abronsius:

What's that?

Chagal:

What?

Abronsius:

Who is that singing?

Sarah's voice (in the background):

Ah-ah-ah…

Chagal:

Nobody's singing.

Abronsius:

Are you deaf? Somebody is singing.

Chagal:

Oh…it's just the wind.

Sarah's voice (in the background):

Ah-ah-ah…

Alfred:

Heavenly!

Abronsius:

The wind?

Professor Abronsius gives Alfred a meaningful look before moving on. The singing stops. The background music starts again.

Chagal:

Here we are.

Abronsius:

The wind!! Hah!

Chagal opens the door of the guest room and lets his guest enter first.

Chagal:

Please, sirs, come in!

Professor Abronsius and Alfred enter the room. Chagal follows and puts down their luggage.

Chagal:

Our luxury suite. You won't find anything better anywhere!

He goes to the door opposite the bed, which leads directly from the guest room to the bathroom.

Chagal:

And behind this door, sirs, is a modern bathroom - there's nothing more comfortable!

Chagal opens the bathroom door.

Sarah:

Oh!

First Alfred and Abronsius, then Chagal, see, through the bathroom door, Sarah sitting in the bath, naked but covered in foam. Embarrassed, she smiles at the men. The music stops.

Chagal:

Sarah! But I've…Come here!

Sarah begins to follow her father's instructions and lifts herself out of the foam. Chagal realizes that she's naked.

Chagal:

No, no, no! Stay!

He pushes Alfred and Abronsius back and closes the door.

Chagal:

I forgot…my daughter. I'm sorry. The bath will be free soon.

The background music starts again. Chagal says goodbye with a bow. He goes out of the room backwards and closes the door behind him, before moving away down the corridor. Professor Abronsius opens his suitcase and take out a stack of books, which he places on the bedside table. Meanwhile, Alfred goes back to the bathroom door.

In the bathroom, Sarah lifts herself out of the bath, wraps herself in a towel, which was laid beside the bath, and goes to her bedroom. She looks for her nightdress.

Alfred opens the bathroom door from the guestroom side, so that he can peek into the room. He sees Sarah's sponge and picks it up. At that moment, Sarah comes back into the bathroom. Her eyes meet Alfred's. She smiles mysteriously. Alfred puts the sponge down and goes back to the guestroom. Sarah takes the sponge and disappears back to her room. Alfred is bemused. He closes the bathroom door.

A little later, Chagal walks through the guestroom again, to get to the bathroom. He carries wooden slats under his arm, and an assortment of long nails is clamped between his lips. With apologetic gestures he goes past Alfred and Professor Abronsius. In the bathroom, he begins to barricade the door to Sarah's room.

Chagal:

A lovely daughter is a blessing

But a blessing which is driving me nuts

Because what is a father supposed to do

When the woman awakes in his child?

He first notices things about her

And he hides her or locks her up

Because he knows, as he's a man himself,

That every man is in some way a pig.

(Nails up the door)

Sleep my curly darling,

Dream my cosy kitten

Nobody must wake you,

Nobody must discover you.

You would be damaged,

I would be damaged,

We would be damaged.

Stay with Daddy.

In the guestroom, Alfred and Professor Abronsius prepare for a night's sleep. Sarah has put her nightdress on and is sitting in front of her mirror.

The thought that a horny lecher

Fingers her wakes the animal in me.

Before she kisses lecher

I'll swing the hammer and block the door.

Then I can lay down to sleep

And close my eyes.

A lovely daughter is a blessing

But my fears for her mean I can't be at peace.

(Hammers)

Sleep my curly-haired one,

Dream my cosy little head,

Nobody can steal you,

I'll never allow it.

You would be damaged,

I would be damaged,

We would be damaged,

Stay with Daddy!

A lovely daughter is a blessing.

A blessing?!

Chagal makes sure that the door is firmly barricaded. Then he leaves through the other bathroom door. He creeps through the guestroom.

While Alfred and Professor Abronsius, who have just got into bed, stare after him in astonishment, Chagal makes soothing gestures. He quickly closes the door to the corridor and exits.

The stage darkens.

4. Cross-section through Chagal's inn

In half-darkness we see through the walls of the guesthouse, into the various rooms on the upstairs floor. In the guestroom, the Professor is lying in bed, asleep. Alfred relaxes dreamily on a wooden bench. Sarah is in bed.

On the floor above are Chagal and Rebecca's room and Magda's chamber. Chagal and Rebecca are lying in a double bed, Magda sits hunched over her sewing.

Alfred:

I have never seen a girl with such a lovely smile

Sarah:

I have never seen such a nice young man

Alfred and Sarah:

I can't sleep

But I'm not awake either

Because I'm dreaming.

Since we met,

It makes sense -

What I'm doing,

And also when I simply lose time…

Sarah:

…and dream.

Alfred:

A girl with such a lovely smile

Sarah (counterpoint):

Such a nice young man…

Alfred:

…so naturally…

Sarah (counterpoint):

…dainty…

Alfred and Sarah:

I have never yet seen.

During the song, Chagal has crept out of bed in the upstairs bedroom. On tiptoe, he creeps through the house to get to Magda's attic room. He stumbles in the dark corridor. Professor Abronsius hears him.

Abronsius:

Boy, can you hear that?

Someone's creeping through the house!

Something's happening, I don't know what,

But I'll find out.

Professor Abronsius gets up and goes to the door. Alfred doesn't follow him.

Chagal enters Magda's chamber. She is sewing. She seems neither surprised nor particularly pleased at the late visit.

Chagal:

What are you doing, my sweet Magdalein?

Magda:

Sewing.

Chagal:

Let me sit on your knee!

Until now, I've never had such a faultless maid.

In the bedroom, Rebecca has woken up. She misses her husband. Professor Abronsius creeps on tiptoe along the corridor - only his silhouette can be seen.

Chagal courts the reluctant Magda. Alfred and Sarah are completely sunken in their dreams.

Alfred, Sarah and Chagal:

I feel a longing,

I am confused,

And I want,

When I dream,

To lean on you.

Surely my heart will be satisfied

When I am beside you

And lose time and dream.

Rebecca has realised why her husband isn't beside her. Angrily, she gets out of bed. Armed with a long, hard salami, she makes her way to Magda's chamber.

Rebecca:

The cad has gone away,

And I know where to.

Watch out!

Rebecca and Magda:

Such a horny whore-monger…

Alfred (counterpoint, sometimes simultaneously):

A girl with such a lovely smile…

Sarah (counterpoint, sometimes simultaneously):

Such a nice young man…

Chagal (counterpoint, sometimes simultaneously):

Such a faultless maid…

Alfred, Sarah and Chagal:

…Unforgettable…

Rebecca:

…Horrible…

Alfred, Sarah, Chagal and Rebecca:

…I have never yet seen.

Rebecca:

The old sod

Cannot leave

To grab other women's skirts.

But every man who crawls into strange beds

Has the Devil in his pocket.

Meanwhile, Professor Abronsius has climbed the stairs to the top floor. Rebecca is waiting there, and mistakes him for Chagal. She takes a swing with the salami and hits the Professor over the head. Crashing about loudly, Abronsius tumbles down the stairs. Rebecca realizes with consternation that she knocked down the wrong person.

Alfred, Sarah and Chagal:

Instead of sleeping

I ask myself

If you know

What I'm dreaming of.

Since we met,

I only feel you.

Chagal returns to his wife.

Alfred and Sarah are so absorbed in their dreams that they are not aware of all of this. In a moonlit trance, they stand on their beds.

Alfred and Sarah:

When I fall in love, surely it will be…

Alfred:

…With a woman like you…

Sarah (counterpoint):

…With someone just like you…

Suddenly we hear out of nowhere…

Vampires' voices:

Be ready! Be ready!

Alfred and Sarah:

When I fall in love,

Then surely I'll love

Someone just like you,

Or I will never again be at peace.

Because there's never been

Anyone like you.

Just like you!

The scene changes to…

5. Outside Chagal's inn

It's snowing. Sarah and Alfred are standing behind the windows of their respective rooms. Each is holding a burning candle. An oversized shadow falls across the snow and over the inn. Count von Krolock's silhouette appears on the proscenium.

Count von Krolock:

For a year

I have been only a suspicion in you.

Now you seek me

And long for me.

Now, look forward -

The difference between us is only very tiny.

When I call you

Don't hold back any more,

Driven by dreams

And hungry for happiness.

Vampires:

Be ready! Be ready!

Count von Krolock:

God is dead,

He will no longer be sook.

Vampires:

Be ready! Be ready!

Count von Krolock:

We are cursed to eternal life.

It draws us

Nearer to the sun,

But we're afraid of the light.

We believe only lies,

Despise sacrifice.

What we don't hate,

We don't love.

Vampires:

Be ready! Be ready!

Count von Krolock:

What I save perishes,

What I bless must go to the bad.

Only my poison will make you healthy,

In order to live, you must die.

Float with me in the abyss of the night,

And lose yourself in me.

We will go until the end of eternity,

I'll wrap you up in my shadow…

Sarah (very softly, as if in a trance):

I hear a voice calling me…

Count von Krolock:

Now, look forward! -

Vampires:

Be ready!

Count von Krolock:

The difference between us is only very tiny.

When I call you

Don't hold back any more,

Driven by dreams

And hungry for happiness.

Alfred and Sarah don't feel any danger. They look up at the stars and then both extinguish their candles at the same time.

Vampires:

God is dead,

He will no longer be sook.

We are cursed to eternal life.

It draws us

Nearer to the sun,

But we're afraid of the light.

We believe only lies,

Despise sacrifice.

What we don't hate,

We don't love.

Blackout.

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